Could you say more about what you'd expect the behavior of that to be? The cousins you list always return from the function at that point (or exit in the case of the try version). Would return if foo return only if foo is non-nil? I think the if statement syntax makes that more clear, despite being longer.
Re the pitch itself - no, I don't think it's 1. readable and 2. worth the trouble of optimising to begin with. We do not have precedents of other things like "throw ..." to conditionally do its thing.