I reset the toolchain path, deleted old Xcodes, rebuilt the test project, rebuilt sourcekit-lsp, ensured the client uses the freshly built sourcekit-lsp and ... that solved it 
This poses tons of questions for me ... Maybe you have a rough stroke answer.
Btw, I'd like to extend the sourcekit-lsp documentation to adress client developers, if that's ok, so I'm not the only one benefiting from my 2 threads on this, but for that I'd need to understand this better.
So, correct me if I'm wrong: One can't use the sourcekit-lsp binary that comes with Xcode 12.1 on projects built with Xcode 12.1? What can that "official" version be applied to?
Took me a minute to get what you meant with "the package". I thought why is it important what Xcode version I used last time I built the package? Why is it important at all that the package has already been built? (If that's a fair way to articulate this) Does sourcekit-lsp rely on some intermediate "byproducts" of the build process?
So then this could never work on package folders that contain no build artifacts, for example on remote GitHub repos, or on packages exclusively built from Xcode where build artifacts land in the derived data folder?
How would a client recognize which Swift package requires which sourcekit-lsp version and where should it get the different sourcekit-lsp versions from?
Or is all this just due to a still "unofficial" stage of sourcekit-lsp integration in Xcode?
That makes total sense and would allow sourcekit-lsp to be offered as a web service. Although it seems in conflict with the above discussed need to access build artifacts.
The specs of the did open notification do confuse me though. They state:
This means open and close notification must be balanced and the max open count for a particular textDocument is one. Note that a server’s ability to fulfill requests is independent of whether a text document is open or closed.
I see 2 change requests coming out of this for sourcekit-lsp:
Thank you so much for helping me close my sourcekit-lsp development "feedback loop". I can now plow ahead 